Can't Believe I Ugly Cry Myself Out Because of This (Alternative Title: I Love You So Much, Phil Collins You Mad Bastard)

I know I should've probably tried to attach a nicer quality of the video, or maybe cried to a nicer quality of the video, but I don't care. The sound was awesome and I believe it's the first time I actually and seriously watched post 2007 Phil Collins/Genesis (or whatever content that leading up to one of the boys) video. I've been avoiding that kind of videos because, I think, I'm in a denial situation. I couldn't accept that one of my (fresh, I'll admit) heroes is old, weak, and sickly. It pained me as I always, although I admit it's kind of brief, look up to him as this super-duper mega genius English musician. But on this current timeline I couldn't see him as that. That's why I avoided watching his 2018-2019 live shows (it's quite recent, mind you).

But yesterday night, when I've done watching his 1983' Perkins Palace performance during his Hello! I Must Be Going tour, I accidentally stumbled upon this 'horrid' video:

Phil Collins & Mike Rutherford - Follow You Follow Me live Berlin 07.06.19 - YouTube

And all the reality suddenly bashed me on the head. I was doing fine shielding myself from this type of video with his No Ticket Required show, Abacab Tour, or The Mama Tour, which was awesome as well. The Way We Walk live shows? Sick experience. 1980's live at London Lyceum? What a heavenly watch. Even his Live and Let Loose in Paris is usually on constant repeat. But nope, all of that image got to be brought down by the link above. It pained me, really.

I absolutely cried myself out (I probably cried as ugly as that during my time accepting the fact that I'm too late for just a month to appreciate David Bowie's music, personas, well-being, paintings, and basically him as a person before his passing. But that's for another time, kids) when, during, and after I finished watching the video. But, that's the funny part, I couldn't let myself to just stopped the video and move on. I felt like I'm torturing myself with watching him just sitting down in the middle of the stage and singing. But latter I realized I'm not, I'm actually enjoying their performance, despite how it pained me to see him in such a state. His voice was no longer his bat-shit up-to-the-next-level during his time on 1987 of course, and without drumming as well. But I still enjoyed it very much nonetheless. 

Not to mention there's the Mike Rutherford beside him with an acoustic guitar. What a performance indeed.

People on the internet keeps wondering why he looks like that when other of his bandmates look just fine and healthy. But they forgot how hard he works (especially in the 80s). He keeps touring, playing, recording, and whatnot. I believe all of that has taken its toll on him now. Back surgery, ear infection, fatigue, unfit physique, etc.

But I guess, subconsciously, he knew what he's doing back then. So as much as I want to blame him for not caring enough for his well-being, I couldn't be angry at him. He's given us so much, get sick, and now after he got better he's doing it again. Some may say "just retired for good now, oy Phil!" (I know I partly do). But no. Being the Phil Collins I know, he get to go up on a stage and perform. Some may say he does it just for the money, but I don't agree. He's bringing his son on the tour, risking his health and possibly his live, and he's doing it for the money?

Phil is crazy, but he's not that crazy.

I believe he does it because he can and he wants to. I'm currently reading his 2016's autobiography, Not Dead Yet, and I understand just how much of drumming he wants to do for the rest of his live. But now, I guess that constant urge is taken over for something bigger and (possibly) better: to perform.

So that's that. My rant or I don't know what you consider this to be. I appreciate everything he's done and I hope he continues to do that. He's been one of my most favorite person, and although in just short period of time, couldn't be more than a year, I really look up to him. He inspires me in so many ways, keeping my mood light and comfortable, tend to my problems in such a unique way,  and I will always thank him for that.

Thank you Phil, and I love you dearly. Take care.

(Credit and kudos to the uploader on YouTube for their video. I may or may not commented on your video, who knows. I wanted to thank you too, but for now, I'm still too upset for that. Thanks anyway, fellow Phil Collins fan).